The boooom .

Today is my little baby's birthday, is all I wanna remember. My cute sunshine is 4 years old now, grew up very fast. I remember i use to take care of her, feed her and dress her up.
Its a mile stone to watch them grow, and getting to know more of her personality.

Yet, another day that i wont look back as a part of life. This is quite personal, you may leave this blog if you wish too.

Sometimes, i have to eat back my own medicine in order to understand the condition and most of all the feelings. I guess this year, is not my best year after all, been through tough times make me stronger. I have to think positive, to me positive is the key.

Teddy bear should show up, if not i would be like this. I want to blame teddy bear but i can't, accepting for what i've done is the best way. Learning it the hard way, is hard the impact was even deeper. I guess I wont give back those things to him already. It is whats left for me, i think Im going to keep it.

I wanted to wait til our feeling was neutral but i failed, i told everything what is inside. I can't turn back, but at least i feel good about it. I didn't expect anything, just hope to be heard my side of the story. It was my most sad day ever and yet most gald.

Today was enough, bordering you was not the part of the plan. I promise it was only for day, you fall asleep at 11.59 a.m. you pick a good time :)
Save the best for last, that 1 minute, i could tell you so much but since you fall asleep. How could i disturbed you ? i did enough already.

I said this blog will never be about you but i still do it. Why ?
I cant even answer my own question. How stupid is that ?

I guess, i can sing the song ' put the blame on me' by you know who. Who sang the song ' lonely '. There is one song which my mom use to always sing, i dont know what was the title or who sang it but the lyrics goes like this..................
I wanna run to you, uhho
I wanna run to you~ouuuu
Will you hold me in your arms
And keep me save from harm
I wanna run to you~ouuuu
uhhhho
And if i run to you~ouuuu
Will you keep me save from harm~ouu

After that, i don't remember. Its like Im in that situation right now.
Mmmmm~ who do i turn to now ?
:(

I said in the previous blog before this that , finger cross that i wouldn't talk anything about it. (the ring)



I didn't stick to my promise, i felt like a niddle was put through my heart. It hurts, really bad ..
How long is this gonna be? can it be undone ? the feeling is so bad like wanna jump from the highest building.

I wish, I wiiisshhh that i never opened a Facebook account. Where it all begin.

Belle, put your shit together and shut the f**k up. You can stand alone and you will rise again. This feeling wont happen again. Its not the end of the world.

Guess who show up ?

After so long, i thought its lost.
Cleaning up my room and the other stuff that was still in the box that belong to me, i bring them all out. Then, i saw this.........


I call this bear, teddy bear Lao gong.
Its because my ex give it to me when his going to Kuantan to study.

When i saw this, right away my tears drop. It reminds me a lot of good & bad memory.

Im waiting for the right time, to explain everything that I've done for him, so that he will understand me.

By right time, means when we're both stable and our feels with one another is nutural.
I dont know when will it happen and I worry that i will forget because i want to end our friendship since the day that i went to look for him and he was playing card game while i was trying to reconnect with him. Other thing, with his friends in fornt and side by side.
How on earth will I tell my problems, i mind that his friends around. He dont get me and continue play till his balls drop.

Anyways, he gave/ reminded me of our bad times then good. In the matter of fact, there is more sweet memory between us. The issue of his collage in Kuantan its only us who know the real problem. Sometimes i felt guilt for what had happened to him and yet I totally understand why he did so. Therefore, sometime i need to put myself away from him. I put my tough face on while my heart is crying to go back.
The main reason is because I dont want and wont let it happened again.
I hope he can try to put the pieces together and get the whole picture. It is important to me that he gets it, nor mater what other people thinks Im doing. I don't care as long as he get it, that's why when i know he dont get it and tell people different story makes me very angry. I always want the best for him.

He always tell me that it is not easy to forget me, I know his lying because he deleted our picture, that's is the very first step to find another girl. Am I right ?
Which i know in future he get one.
I hope his still remember what i told him, "don't treat her the way you treat me". I hope that he truly remember it.

In the past, we were one. A part of me still worry and care for him no matter what. I support him in every ways. The is on weakness of me when in come to him, he has a perfume that can make me think of him for one week. I know its insane but no joke its true, its like a drug you longing for it to be able to smell it again.
Does that make sense?
I hope so.

Back then, our second home was the Viva mall and Tuition center. Dont undereastment this places, gosh, crazy stuff we did back then.
I always wanted to bring him to Full House, but it never happened sad case.

Talking about promise, I remember another thing. When he grow up(mentality) i mean his not crazy its just go through more experience, then when the time is right. We give ourself another chance. That was our promise.
Everyone knows as time goes by things change people change even feelings change the only way to know the result is when time comes.

I hope he get to see this, cause last time he use to read my blog.
Ci bai, miss you. But most of all, study hard yet remember to play hard. Hahahahaha ~
Whatever it is your doing Good luck.

( i miss place the ring he gave, i hope when i saw it again i wont written something about it. )
FINGER CROSS.

Im having trouble with acne problem ever since Im in Form 1 then it started to get more worst when i reach Form 2. Since then, I've been buying and doing products for my skin but non are those product can continually gave me the same result as the beginning of using them.

Til now, Im still battling with it. It never end, which made me frustrated.

Sometimes, it pulls down myself steam or confident cause basically when meeting with people, the very first thing they look at is the face before anything else.

I notice now my acne is getting worst like half of my face is with pimples or marks.
I just have to take it slow to cure them .

My face is like a Car machine, because normally car go to service every 3 months to maintain a good condition of the car. Like wise my face need to go facial to maintain it. But when time doesn't treat me good, i got no time to go for it sometimes its because of financial problems.

This has become my issue that havent solve, to me like it has been decades its overwhelming me.

All i could say is, hope it will be ok soon.
:(

yeah, finally get my snow white back. After a half a month of waiting like shit, i finally get back my baby car.

I like her to be clean all the time, cause her colour is white.

H&M is gonna open this Saturday, Im 100& on !

Damn excited.
;)

Meet the family !

Yup, you guess it right !
My hubby <3<3<3<3
I like his adorable younger sister more close, i guess.

Erm, soon the picture of me and my hubby will be up.

Been through bad times this past few week, yet everything is stable now.

His the only person that i could relate too, the others are rubbish. Yeah, the" jack Ass "one.
Never gonna contact that person anymore, live down or up.. Its his decision, i dont want to interacting with him anymore.

My hubby, is the light or my darkness <3

I never felt so lonely before. This day is the day that I wont look back and remember it.

Im in pain, this are the only words are going through my head.

What's life like being animal ?